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Written by silky j
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Wednesday, 20 August 2008 01:03 |
All of these have actually ran in newspapers. Hopefully they will bring a smile to your day
FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER
8-years old. Hateful little bastard. Bites!
FREE PUPPIES
1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog.
FREE PUPPIES
Mother, AKC German Shepherd. Father, Super Dog...able to leap tall fences in a single bound.
FOUND DIRTY WHITE DOG
Looks like a rat. Been out a while. Better be a big reward.
COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED
Also 1 gay bull for sale.
NORDIC TRACK
$300 Hardly used, call Chubby.
GEORGIA PEACHES
California grown - 89 cents/lb.
JOINING NUDIST COLONY
Must sell washer and dryer $300.
WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE
Worn once by mistake. Call Stephanie.
And the best one?
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Last Updated ( Thursday, 21 August 2008 16:05 )
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Written by silky j
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Monday, 18 August 2008 22:12 |
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The next time someone asks you a dumb question, wouldn't you like to respond like this?
Yesterday I was buying a large bag of Purina dog chow at Walmart, for my dog Athena, the wonder dog. I was about to check out when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think, that I had an elephant?
Since I had little else to do, on impulse, I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, and that I was starting the Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I ended up in the hospital last time. On the bright side though, I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of every hole in my body and IV s in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was enthralled with my story by now.)
Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food had poisoned me. I told her no; I had stepped off a curb to PEE on a tire and a car hit me.
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Last Updated ( Monday, 18 August 2008 22:32 )
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Written by silky j
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Wednesday, 13 August 2008 11:03 |
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I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing "fairly well" for my age.
A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, "Do you think I'll live to be 100?"
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Last Updated ( Wednesday, 13 August 2008 11:18 )
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Written by silky j
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Monday, 11 August 2008 09:51 |
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Mark and Jessica are sitting in school.
Jessica is sleeping and the teacher asks her a question.
"Jessica, who created Heaven and Earth?" Mark sees Jessica sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil.
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Last Updated ( Monday, 11 August 2008 10:12 )
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Written by silky j
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Thursday, 07 August 2008 02:12 |
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A man checks into a hotel on a business trip and was a bit lonely. He thought, I'll call one of those girls you see advertised in phone booths when you're calling for a cab.
He popped into a phone booth near the hotel and found an ad for a girl calling herself Erogonique in the photo. She had all the right curves in all the right places, beautiful long wavy hair, long graceful legs..... well, you get the picture! He copied the phone number and returned to his hotel. When back in the room he figures, what the heck, I'm gonna give her a call.
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Last Updated ( Thursday, 07 August 2008 02:29 )
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Written by silky j
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Wednesday, 06 August 2008 00:06 |
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Friendship Among Women:
A woman did not come home one night. The next morning she told her husband that she was at a friends house and it got late so she just stayed the night. The husband, a little suspicious, calls the wife's ten best friends. None of them knew anything about it.
Friendship Among Men:
A man did not come home one night. The next morning he told his wife that he was at a friends house and it got late so he just stayed the night. The woman, a little suspicious, calls her husband's ten best friends. Eight confirmed that yes in deed, he did sleep over and the other two swore he was still there sleeping.
Keep the laughter going.
Check out more jokes at our joke of the day page here. |
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Last Updated ( Wednesday, 06 August 2008 00:26 )
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Written by silky j
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Monday, 04 August 2008 00:22 |
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If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous sketch, "Who's on First?" might have turned out like this:
Costello calls to buy a computer from Abbott -
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Last Updated ( Wednesday, 06 August 2008 15:43 )
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Written by silky j
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Wednesday, 30 July 2008 16:35 |
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A woman calls her boyfriend for help with a killer jigsaw puzzle. She just can't figure out how to get it started. Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" The woman says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster."
She shows him the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster."
He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax, have a nice cup of hot tea, and then .... he sighed, "let's put all these Corn Flakes back in the box." |
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Last Updated ( Wednesday, 30 July 2008 16:55 )
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Loud and Clear 
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